If I Had a Penis…

If I had a penis… (I really do, this is just a song.)
  August 21, 2001

One of the happiest mornings in my life?  When I woke up after a freezing night in the back seat of a rental car parked at a vista point somewhere along Route 1, on the way to LA.  The ocean was green in the morning light and when Lanie opened her eyes, they were the color of the ocean.  I crawled outside to unfold my crackling stiff back and a song came on the radio: a woman singing about all the different things she would do if she had a penis (they mainly involved sticking it places it don’t belong).  The last words stuck in my mind: “If I had a penis I’d still be a girl / But I’d make much more money and conquer the world.”  Chicks with dicks power!  I wish I knew who the singer was...  Anyway, it was all so randomly, unexpectedly beautiful that I can’t forget it to this day.

(Someone e-mailed me after reading this and told me that the song, Penis Envy, is by Uncle Bonsai.)

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