A friend's bachelor party tonight. Started out with deep sea fishing in Sheepshead Bay (I missed the boat by fifteen minutes and just stood there at the empty pier, bags full of beer in my hands, for a while). Then a garage in Williamsburg with scotch, cigars and poker. In the middle of the poker game, the night's entertainment showed up: a transvestite male dwarf in a tight stripper dress and a diaper, by the name of Israel. My friend was blindfolded beforehand, so only the feeling of little feet on his thighs as the dwarf started humping his face betrayed the secret. Later, he had to eat rice pudding out of the dwarf's fake cleavage.
“Thank you, guys,” he said aftewards. “This was appropriate. It was actually kind of sweet.”
Israel stayed for a while and played poker with us. The two big guys who arrived with him mostly hung back, but did drink a couple of beers.
“What was up with that diaper?” somebody asked after they had left.
“Perhaps he's incontinent,” Andrew, the evening's organizer, suggested.
“An incontinent stripper dwarf?”
“Why not?” said Andrew.
“What would you call someone like that?” asked a man to my right.
“Oh, that's easy,” said a man to my left. “A squarf. And if his limbs were actually proportional to the rest of his body, he'd be a squidget.”
(See also: Fishing Party)